Why is it so hard to find YOUR Therapist?
One of the things we often hear at Kinship Counseling Collective is how hard it is to find an available therapist and accept clients who work with the issues you need, have the background you desire, or even call you back after you reach out. And how hard it is to do this when you are already struggling and how many barriers there are to finding everything you need or want. It could be more encouraging, and many folks give up trying to find a therapist or settle for one that isn't a great fit. Now that big tech has gotten into the "business" of mental health, many options say they are just an app download, text, or email away, all for a low membership cost or using your insurance. Sometimes, this works, and we often hear that it doesn't because clients experience a lot of turnover in Therapists; it was just so-so or didn't meet what they needed.
(If you are curious about the impacts of this shift in mental health, please consider checking out this blog for therapists to learn more about the impacts generally)
How I started my journey to finding MY Therapist
Years ago, when I thought about therapy as an option to support what I was going through. I needed to figure out where to start. I was unsure about asking others because I didn't want to "out" myself as being crazy or having a hard time. I experienced a lot of shame and was just very confused by the whole process.
I finally got a list from my insurance company and found someone who would accept my insurance and not cost me a lot of money out of pocket. I had no idea what else to look for, expect, or prioritize. I felt desperate for help from anyone willing to see me at the lowest price possible.
I found someone I saw for over a year and a half because I needed to feel like I was doing something to help myself. The Therapist I saw was a nice older white woman, who I guess I projected a lot of "wisdom" because of her age and the fact she was a professional and trained to do this type of thing. I overlooked the ways I didn't feel entirely understood or the ways I had to hide parts of who I was because the thought of "explaining" racial and cultural context felt not worth the money I was paying and felt like I would use up the time to getting help - educating this white lady. She never asked about my racial or cultural experience, and I didn't share when we were together. I would meet with her weekly, and sometimes, she would doze off during those sessions. I would remember my home training around elders and being quieter so she could rest and then try not to internalize it as I was so boring I was putting my Therapist to sleep. Mainly, I needed the structure not to feel alone and to process my current situation out loud. However, I realized that I wanted and needed something different and something that brought in more of my cultural and racialized experience and did not neutralize these things in the way the larger society already was. However, I was still trying to figure out what was possible. I started talking to others about their therapy, and I realized therapy could be lots of different things and done in lots of different ways, and it was vital for me to find what worked for me.
I found my next Therapist by taking a class at the local community college and realized she was part of my work's EAP (employee assistance program and I could get ten free sessions through work). I tried to see them without closing the relationship with my first Therapist. I will always be grateful for my second Therapist because she taught me a powerful lesson about closures, endings, and being upfront about what I need and want. She would only see me once I had officially closed with that first Therapist. She did not accept my insurance after those ten free sessions, and I had to pay out of pocket, but you get what you pay for, too. I made it work, and honestly, money was not the priority anymore - the quality of my therapeutic experience was, and I have to this day never regretted that investment.
My next Therapist and I went on to work together for over eight years, and while she was not Black either(unfortunately, I lived in a place where there were no black therapists, or maybe there was one, but they never had any openings). Regardless, this Therapist was a gift and lesson for me in how to be a therapist now and how important it is to find the "right" Therapist for YOU. She wanted to know my context behind things, she did her own racial work, and I never felt like I had to teach her to be the "right" Therapist for me; she met me where I was, and we walked together through divorce, coming out, loss, death, illness, work stress, significant life shifts, getting my first and second degrees and becoming a therapist in my own right.
The Benefits of Seeing The Best Therapist for YOU
When you find the right Therapist for you - the work goes that much deeper, and you end up having a container in which to heal. We are often harmed in relationships, and we can heal inside them as well. It's not to say therapists don't ever create harm (newsflash - we are human and as messy as any other human), but when you find the right one, they can work with you to fix it. You can repair anything that happens and talk about it safely because they have the qualities you need and have developed the best therapeutic relationship for you to do the work in.
There are many advantages to seeing a therapist who has the qualities you desire and the ones you need. Therapists who are ethical and have integrity in how they work with you will be critical for you to do the amazing work I know can be done in therapy and improve its effectiveness.
I have clients who come to me because they are looking for a black, queer, or Therapist of color as their main criteria. In our consultations, I explained to them that even with shared racial or cultural backgrounds, we still need to "learn about each other" as we are not monolithic. I ask them what else they might need, and I also share my style and approach transparently so they can make an informed decision. I always say I am not for everyone, but for those who work with me, I know we are choosing each other, and that is a beautiful place to start.
You should consider several things to ensure that you get the best out of your therapy work. Firstly, what are your expectations from your therapist and therapy journey? How would you like to feel during your therapy, and what specific areas do you want to focus on or work on?
Finding someone with whom you feel safe enough to discuss even the most challenging topics is essential. Do you prefer your Therapist to be more direct or indirect in their communication? Do you want them to listen more or engage with you more? Would you like to be challenged, or would you prefer to have homework?
You may also want to consider your Therapist's cultural backgrTherapistgender, sexual orientation, race/ethnicity/culture, faith or spirituality, language, and life experiences matter to you. Additionally, you may want to decide whether you prefer in-person therapy, virtual therapy, or both.
It is also crucial to know the therapeutic tools and modalities your TherapiTherapistnd their training or background. Do they offer consultation or a way to meet them before deciding? Do you like their website or materials that talk about the work they do? Is their focus or way of work in line with your expectations? Have they had any ethical breaches with the State board?
Ultimately, it would help if you felt comfortable with your Therapist to pass your "vibe" check overall.
While availability and costs matter, trust is the foundation of a successful therapeutic relationship. Always opt for the Therapist who offers the best value for your money and aligns with your expectations and needs. Therapy is an investment in yourself, and you deserve the best.
Call Kinship Counseling Collective at 415 294-0032
Where to Look for YOUR Therapist
Once you know what you're looking for, start researching therapists in your specific area for in-person or serve your state for virtual therapy. You can ask for recommendations from friends or family or search online for therapists who meet your criteria. It's essential to read reviews or check their credentials to ensure they are licensed and have a good reputation.
Therapist Directories that have your values or things that are important to you, such as Therapy for Black Girls, Inclusive Therapist, or LGBTQ PSYCHOTHERAPISTS OF COLOR (QTOC)
Therapist matching sites that help you find your right fit, like Mental Health Match
Sign up for free consultations with therapists you want to meet and ask them for additional recommendations.
At Kinship Counseling Collective, we help people find their best match within or outside our practice. To sign up for a free consultation, consider calling us at 415 294-0032 or emailing info@kinshipcounselingcollective.com.
Remember, finding YOUR Therapist is a process that will take time.